Friday, January 2, 2015

Adoption: 4 month update

I'm having a hard day today. I don't know if it's because we are coming out of a wonderful holiday season, full of great memory making, and now I feel like it's over, or what. But I woke up in a funk, grouchy and tired, and then I got our 4 month update from the agency...

Here it is:

We have been a waiting family for four months. Our family profile book was viewed twice in September, not at all in October, twice in November, and not at all in December... And none of those mamas chose us.

Dude. This process stinks. I'm usually really good at keeping things in perspective, and seeing the good in situations, and I know all of the right answers. I know about growth, and trust, and God's perfect timing, and I know about cherishing the time we have right now as our family of five, I know...

But my heart hurts. It hurts to be totally ready for that sweet little guy, and so excited to meet him and bring him home and shower him with sweet baby kisses, and yet not have any idea when he's coming, or if it will even happen this year.  And to be totally honest, it hurts to not be chosen. It hurts to wonder what it was about us that those birth mamas didn't like, or what those other families had that we didn't.

And I don't like waiting. I don't like the unknown. I don't like being completely out of control. I don't like not being able to plan and organize. Sigh... and it's only been four months. The average waiting time is nine to eighteen months... soooo it could be a while.

Tomorrow's a new day. A new, funk-less, back to the bright-side day, for sure.

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