Wednesday, December 10, 2014

on being a stay-at-home/homeschooling mom...

Last night I spent some time reflecting on why it is that I seemed to have more time to write this little blog, back when I was a "working mom". There's a part of me that really misses the time I use to spend here. A part of me misses staying up late editing pictures, reflecting on the day and on life, and part of me misses the time I spent just getting my thoughts out. But that part of me is very, very small.

I left my career at the hospital over a year ago now, and my priorities have shifted in ways I hadn't imagined. While I still feel the need to focus on the little things in life, I don't feel the pressure to preserve every single moment, almost fearful that I might forget or miss something.

This stay-at-home/home-schooling-mom thing, is well, it's all kinds of things.

~It's constant.
~It's noisy, and messy, and tiring flat out exhausting, and sometimes there is crying.
~It's refereeing, and deep breathing, and repeating the same thing over and over and over.
~It is rarely leaving the kitchen. At any given moment someone is wanting to eat, preparing to eat, actually eating, cleaning up what was eaten, and then starting that cycle all over again. All day long, from 7am to 8pm.
~ It's smiles and hugs and kisses and snuggles, and spending an amazing amount of time with my littles.
~It's getting out of the shower to find three sweet babes working hard on their school, eager to surprise me with how much they have already gotten done.
~It's always looking for opportunities to teach and train and form.
~Sometimes it's not getting done whatever it is I want to do.
~It's talking about everything. Every little thing that pops into their heads.
~It's Grady telling me that when he is a grown up, he wants to live down the street from us so that he can come and visit whenever he wants.
~It's Bella deciding that she wants to be an OB or a midwife so she can "help moms deliver their babies". It's Bryan taking her to the library to check out books on, yes, delivering babies, and explaining every little question about how the babies come out, and what happens to the umbilical cord, and the placenta, and trying to never skip out on the opportunity to teach what they are interested in.
~It's considering what they will look back on and remember years from now, and making that an important focus.
~It's being SO grateful for a husband that regularly helps out around the house and does his own laundry.
~It's choosing to go to bed by 10pm instead of staying up late writing a blog post.
~It's reading my Bible daily, and making the choice to have a home that is peaceful and full of joy.
~It's being so purposeful in incorporating God into every aspect of life.
~It's my oldest saying that she wants "a whole mess of kids", and my son agreeing and stating that he wants to adopt at least two children "because they need someone to love them". (Oh, my heart. This is why it's so completely worth being here.)
~It's runny noses that never seem to go away. Last night I said to Bryan "Hey! Guess what?! No one has a runny nose!" And sure enough, this morning we all went out to play in the cold, and now one out of three is sporting some snot...
~It's never having to miss anything because of work- not games, or recitals, or presentations, or family members visiting from out of town, not holidays, and not Black Friday shopping.
~It's sticking to a budget, no cable, no fancy car, rarely eating out, and no iphone so that we can afford for me to stay home.
~It's Lilly. The constant chatter. The constant explaining of every little thing. The jewelry and accessories. It's her beautiful smile and her precious heart. It's also lotsa whining. And "uppy" and so much wide eyed drama.
~It's realizing what a huge blessing my husband is when he teaches school for the day so that I can go grocery shopping alone.
~It's school that is sometimes done by lunch, and sometimes takes all stinkin' day long.
~It's being purposeful to plan play dates for my children, alone time with my hunky husband, and girls nights with my own friends.
~It's my kids and a bunch of neighborhood kids (that don't look the same as us) out playing soccer in the front yard. And a neighbor that stopped by almost in tears, to shake my hand and say that he appreciates "with all the is going on in the world and in the news, seeing these kids intermingling and a mom out in the yard playing with them".

It's all of those little moments, and so many more, that make this stay-at-home/home-schooling-mom thing what it is. I'm sure I could go on and on and on, because it's life. It is so full and precious and beautiful and yet, fleeting. And whether I capture it on film or on this page or in my heart, every day I try to keep my eyes open to all that I'm seeing and hearing and feeling (even when it involves never leaving the kitchen).

It's all about perspective, isn't it? There are parents that would love to cook meals for their children, but they are never home anymore. There are folks that would love to have a cute four year old want nothing more than for them to hold her and listen to her every thought. There are mamas and daddies out there that would give anything for their child's illness to just be a runny nose. There are couples that miss the noise and chaos and the constant mess. And some people would love to have three children and the mountains of laundry that comes with them.

I think I've always been grateful for this life that I've been given. I just think that now more than ever, I'm really relaxing in this role and truly enjoying it, instead of constantly feeling the need to remember and preserve every moment. I'm not afraid of missing anything anymore, because I'm here. I'm a constant, steady presence in the lives of my children and that makes it all so very worth it.

No comments:

Post a Comment