Sunday, August 17, 2014

The Nesting Instinct.

There is a boy that I find myself thinking about and praying for every single day. I've never met him. I've never seen him. I don't even know if he's been conceived yet. But I pray for his safety. I pray for his health. I pray that he will grow up to love Christ and to follow Him with his whole heart. 

And I pray hard for his birth mother. Wherever she is, whatever she is going through, must be no easy situation. I pray that her decision to let him live is an easy choice for her to make, and I pray that she is blessed for that choice. I pray that she would know God's grace and love for her. I pray that she might know how much we appreciate her. 

As you may know, our family is adopting. We were super busy getting things done a few weeks ago, and now, for the last two weeks, we've just been waiting. We still need to receive our printed home study (hopefully this week!) to submit to the adoption agency. After that, we join the pool of families waiting to be chosen by the birth mom. (She chooses us, so at this point, there really is nothing else we can do to hurry the process along.)

Waiting can be difficult, and this is just the beginning, but we are trusting in God's perfect timing and we are walking in faith in His truth. And we are doing a lot of praying. As much I want things to progress quickly, I LOVE this time. I love being right where we are, right now. I love the fact that no matter how hard I push, I can't change anything, and I am completely out of control in this situation. I love that I know the One who knows it all. He knows the when, the who, and the how. And it feels good to rest in Him. It feels good to know that we have done what we can, and we truly have to just trust God to finish the work.

A strange feeling came over me while we were preparing for our home study visit. I was cleaning and organizing like a crazy woman. Baseboards, medicine cabinets, junk drawers, closets, under the sinks- no space was safe. It was a feeling of impending baby-ness. I found myself walking from room to room, thinking and planning. "Are we going to move Lilly out of what was the nursery, and re-set up the nursery? Where will she go? Or should we just get a crib and put it in Grady's room? But there's not enough space in Grady's room. Should we get bunk beds for Bella's room and move Lilly in there? Or maybe bunk beds for Grady's room? We're going to need a diaper bag, a stroller, a car seat, a crib mattress, a changing pad... Oh goodness, we don't have any clothing, or diapers, or formula, or bottles... Did we really even use that baby bath tub? I want to make sure all of the carpets are cleaned, because I don't want a baby crawling around on dirty carpets..." 

I found myself daydreaming about what our family life will look like with a newborn in it. I sat in the corner of Lilly's room, which has always been our nursery, and I thought about rocking that sweet little life. I thought about how much he is wanted and already loved. I thought about three siblings that are so eager to shower love and affection, and I smiled at the thought of the three of them all doting on him.

And then I realized that the nesting instinct that I've experienced three times in the past, had come, even without all of the hormones. Just like any expecting mother, I want our house to be ready, and just right for him. I want a blankie and a diaper bag with his name embroidered on it. I want a space to decorate, just for him. I want to celebrate new life and new beginnings and super special changes in our family. And I can't wait to meet him, and hold him, and kiss him. 

For now I trust, and I rest.

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I'm am so excited to see how God is going before you and working it all out to bring home your baby. I can't help but think how blessed this little guy is to be joining your family. You have so much love to give.
    Let me know if you make a baby registry somewhere.

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    1. You are so sweet and encouraging, Melissa! I really appreciate your friendship!!

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