Sunday, October 6, 2013

Wallow-ville.

There is a place called Wallow-ville. It's a dark and lonely little place. The roads are rocky and treacherous, winding and paved with depression. It's a place full of regret and "what-if?"s, "if I had only known"s, "why me?"s and "that's not fair"s.  
 
I visited there yesterday. I took a day to mourn the potential loss of all of my pictures and videos from the past few years, and to think of all of the things that I should have, could have, would have. I cried in my bedroom, in my bathroom, in the kitchen and on the porch. I cried every time I thought of the sweet, smiling faces of my little babes, stacked in a million files, never to be seen again. But now I'm done. It's time to move on. A place like Wallow-ville is a dangerous place to stay for very long.
 
I am praying for a full recovery of my pictures, but that's about all I can do at this point. And if they all are lost, well, then they are. My children are still here, and that's what matters. Their little faces and voices are precious right now, and that is what I choose to focus on.
 
 
Today we spent a lot of time outside, riding bikes and playing with the chicks. We started planning Grady's 5th birthday party, and worked on our list of things to do once I'm home all the time. Before bed, Grady gave me "a massage" and Lilly brushed my hair, while Bella read bedtime stories. The exchanges between and with the children were priceless. Lilly put pretend medicine on my hair, so that I "won't look so weird", then proceeded to check my hair for fleas. Try not to laugh while a three year old is checking your hair for fleas! Grady's version of a massage was hand sized pinches all over my back, for a good fifteen minutes, while my hair was simultaneously being twisted and stuck in the hair brush. It was a good night, and full of great big laughs.
 
I know that I wouldn't have had this day today, if I were still crying in my bathroom, and wallowing in Wallow-ville. It's good to be alive, and thankful for the present.
And there is just SO much to be thankful for.


1 comment:

  1. When I saw you at church yesterday I wanted to tell you how sorry i was for your loss of the pictures but I didn't want to make you cry! Then I would have started to cry and we'd both have been a mess. ha!
    But I really am sorry for what happened. I lost about 6 months worth one time and i was SO upset. To those of us who value our family photos so much it really does feel like huge loss. I'll be praying that they'll be able to recover something from the hard drive.
    And you're right, today is what matters, you have your kiddos and that's what matters most.

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